Testing a Wordpress iPhone app.

After a little over eleven hours of labor, my son is born at 4:34 am this morning.

It wasn’t what I had expected but then again I am sure it never is for women who are pregnant for the first time.  I suppose technically I had been in labor since 10 am yesterday but the contractions did not get regular until about 5 pm.  It was funny because I argued with my Mom on whether or nor I was actually having contractions.  I didn’t think I was.  My Mom (who took me to the hospital) was a in bit of a panic.  In truth I was also.  We had to turn around once because I had forgotten I had the only keys to our “family” car and my hubby had taken the two seater to work.  When I realized it we were about half way to the hospital in my Mom’s minivan.  So we turned around and dropped the keys off and set out to the hospital once again.

As we arrived at the hospital, I fretted over how I did not have my birth plan with me and how had not even gotten it approved by my Doc.  Truth be told after a few hours of painful contractions my “natural” birth plan flew right out the window.  I’ve been through gallbladder attacks and an ectopic pregnancy, both of which is supposed to be one of the most painful things a woman can go though.  Let me vouch that the contranctions were the most excruciating pain I have ever gone through.  I surrendered and conceeded to an epidural.  Yeah, yeah I’m a weakling but let’s see how you’d fair.

Let me tell you, legs eagle spread for all to see was very uncomfortable to say the least but as labor went on I quickly lost all modesty.  I just wanted my baby out quickly and most importantly,  safely.  It is difficult to explain, time went both quickly and slowly.  I remember my heart skipping a beat everytime the baby monitor moved and I could no long hear the reassuring, “Beep….Beep” of the baby’s heart.

The last time I remember looking at a clock it was nearing midnight.  My water had broken somewhere around here.   Then before I knew it about three hours had passed and the nurse and doctor were getting concerned of the increased heartrate of the baby and the fact that I had a temperature of 102°, which meant my baby did also.  Whatever was left of trying to adhere to my birth plan went right out the window with the risk of this little one’s life.  I told the Doc to do whatever was necessary to ensure the health and wellbeing of my child.  They lessened the meds they were using with the epidural so I could better feel when to help out with pushing.  Then they gave (can’t remember atm what it was called) me a med to strengthen the contractions and move labor on more quickly.

All I remember from this next stage of the labor was that I thought my head was going to explode or I was going to pass out for lack of oxygen because I was pushing so hard and I had to be reminded to breathe.  I knew I had to work hard as I could muster so my baby wouldn’t be in distress for longer the absolutely necessary.

I was a bit dazed when my baby boy was born.  For a second I couldn’t figure out why I couln’t hear my baby’s cry.  I remember frantically calling out, “Is he ok?”, “Is he crying?”, “I can’t hear him crying!”  Finally, after what felt like an eternity, I heard a very weak cry.  I burst into tears.  I barely got to see his face before they wisked him away to better clear his lungs and manage his raging fever.

As a safety measure, they put him on antibiotics for the fever as well as a preventitive measure for his kidney, but he is doing well.

I’ll write more as my new job of being the best Mommy I can be, will allow. 

Pic’s should follow soon also.  So stay tuned!

And I am practically pulling my hair out.   I am both excited and mortified! Mostly though, I am speechless.   This still doesn’t seem real.  I never was the kind to want kids.  I have always been a tomboy.   I hate all things pink.  Yet I am oddly looking forward to the future with this little boy in my life.   Even though I am not religious, at the end of the day I feel blessed.  I know sounds corny, huh?

I feel a huge responsibility weighing down.  I am terrified I will fail my little boy.  It is almost agonizing.  I know that he will deserve better than to have me as his mom.  I wonder if other parents to be go through this.

You see I am been attempting to write him a little letter in spirit of what my husband has already written but I haven’t been able to do it.  With all this fear and doubt in my ability, how can write him anything?  I feel guilty that I dont have one of those fairytale stories to tell my son like my mother told me.  She was so sure,  nothing but unbounding joy and love from the beginning.  It was destiny.  It even sounded magical.  I wish I had that to give to my son.  He deserves it.  I did care more right fromt he beginnning than I ever thought I would.  I do know I will love him with all of my heart.  But things have been pretty shaky from the start.  I am conflicted.  I am so afraid.  It sounds so horrible but there are times where I wish I could just run away from this and hide.  How cowardly is that!?  At the end of the day though I almost  always realize I would do anything for him without hesitation.  Does that make up for my cowardice?  I dont think so.

Yes I am still pregnant.  This week I am just into my third trimester.  Now before all of you jump the gun and think me insane, give me a moment to explain.  And forgive me to those of you who think all of this is idiotic.

Yesterday evening I noticed the little one seemed to be kicking in rhythm.  I thought it a bit odd.  It lasted about three to five minutes.  There were no other symptoms.  The tapping feeling was slightly below my belly button and very light.  So light infact I thought that maybe it could be my own pulse I was feeling but no, my heart was beating a bit faster than the rhythmic feeling in my belly.  So I went back to the idea it was the baby.  I feared something was wrong.

I did the only thing I could think of.  I googled it.  I tried a few search terms.  Nothing.  Nothing good, nothing bad, just no information on anything happening like this.  I kept an eye on the clock and tried a few more pages in.  After some digging I started to find some women who had gone through the exact same thing.  Everyone said it was hiccups.  I didn’t even know it was possible for my unborn child to get the hiccups.  It seemed a little strange.  Then I stumbled across a site where a certfied nurse explained to a woman going through the same thing that it nothing to worry about the baby had just a little case of the hiccups.

Hiccups!  That’s insane.   I will of course confirm this with my OB at my next visit.  I just wanted to record the moment so I would never forget.

At 17 weeks I started feeling him kicking.

At 26 weeks pregnant my unborn baby boy had his first bout of hiccups.

I really should setup a timeline with this stuff.  Wish I would have recored more things as they happened earlier. :’(